Boo-dwar, y’all.

Ok, so it’s the day I’ve been mentally preparing for.  I’ve struggled whether I should share this here – it is a private decision – but in the spirit of honesty (and in the event any of you might choose to do the same thing) I’ll spill it. Last spring I took Charlie to this really cute mother/daughter tea.  There were tons of silent auctions – from date nights in hotels to spa days – and one in particular caught my attention.  It was for a boudoir photography session.  Yes, I said it.  Boudoir. What is that, you may be wondering?

The dictionary defines it as “a woman’s bedroom or private sitting room”.  It’s basically a sassy photography session – you, lingerie (or not), meant for the eyes of your loved one. 

I’ve heard of it before – even known a girl who did it – and I was intrigued but I walked away and bid on something else.  I couldn’t get it out of my head though…I mean, when (other than your wedding day) do you have the opportunity to feel like a supermodel?  Especially when you’re covered in baby goo most of the time? I’ve never done this before but I’ve certainly had my share of having my headshot taken, here (good heavens, who is this skinny girl???!!!!): headshots049 and here: headshots048 Mix in a couple other times and a smattering of modeling experience and oh yeah, my bridal portrait: n1472131988_30295333_1546041 aaand that’s my history with the camera.  I’ve had my hair and makeup done and felt pampered for the day.  But, all with my clothes on – only by the grace of God, I always say! I’m really surprised I had the chutzpah to walk back over to the table and put my name down to win the boudoir session.  And guess what?  I must have been the only gal brave enough because I won it and scheduled it back in the summer and now we’re HERE.  It’s TODAY. So I had this mental breakdown earlier in the week (um, who wouldn’t??) about what to wear/buy/bring and finally settled on a couple (I think) good options.  I’m walking into this COMPLETELY blind.  And it’s a good thing they serve free champagne because I have a feeling I’m going to be needing a lot of it. Wish me luck!

Ella’s Elmo Birthday!

Have you ever seen a cake this cute???  Our celebration for little E was a quiet one this year – just Mimi and Poppy and the four of us – lots of red pom-poms and balloons and this stellar Elmo cake from Tart Pastry Boutique & Studio here in Dallas.  My sweet friend Michelle came through for me in a huge way – all I did was send her a picture from Pinterest and she completely took over from there.  And the best part??  The inside was vanilla cake with strawberry filling.  Uh, what?? Maybe someday my dream of making my own cake will be realized.  For now, I’ll just leave it to the experts. You’ll be happy to know that Ella is now caught up to other kiddos her age.  She still has some communication issues (as in, should have more words by this point and should be using more two word phrases) and will continue to receive early childhood intervention (ECI) services for those.  Cognitively and in every other way she is officially 2.  Pretty great progress for our little peanut since this time last year. Happy birthday to my sweet, spunky, and recently snuggly (yay for me!) 2 year old!! 11-13-2011 048

Two.

I don’t know why, but I always feel a little misty when I come home from hanging out with girlfriends.  Maybe it’s the year that’s passed by in a blink, maybe it’s the lifetime of memories we left behind in Chicago, maybe it’s the thankfulness I feel to be loved and supported by so many wonderful women out there…whatever it is…I’m grateful for the time away to just be myself.  That girl…the one that exists apart from motherhood. Ella turns two on Thursday.  I wish I could say I have better memories of her birth…sadly, the murkiness of post-partum does a pretty good job of clouding those up. What I do know about birthdays is that I am often reflective – and this one is kind of major because Charlie turned two about two months before Ella was born – which would mean I would be about 8 months pregnant right now if we had decided to have a third baby on the same time frame. If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you’d know that where a third child is concerned, I am often conflicted.  Vann and I have been blessed with an easy road as far as fertility goes.  I am completely and totally aware and grateful for this.  I came from a family of three siblings, so for me, having a third seems like a very normal progression – in the sense that someone is still “missing” from our family. Where I am hung up is in the area of my selfishness. I like my wine. I’ve worked my butt off all summer and finally have a body I am excited to dress for a night out.  I love “shopping” in my closet.  Seriously, this is a first for me, post-children.  Pregnancy is not easy.  Your body is not your own.  Having a third baby affects the rhythm of our daily life. It affects sleep. It requires a bigger car, the switching of bedrooms, starting over. 12 weeks of morning sickness so bad you lose 10 pounds because you literally can’t eat anything other than Super Pretzels, stretch marks, leaky boobs, less control of your bladder (you all know I’m right).  Yikes.  Am I really ready to go down this road again?? And yet, I turn 34 in the spring.  So – NOT that 34 is old – my beautiful and savvy 40 year old friends, this is for you – I see you having a life again after you drop your kiddos off at “real school” and I’m jealous.  Part of me looks forward to that independence – to having “my” time back.  To nurturing myself again.  So there’s the conundrum.  And to be honest, I haven’t fully figured it out yet.  The jury is still out. For now, I’m going to enjoy this second glass of Pinot Noir and my new jeans and think about it another day.  And enjoy and celebrate my baby girl who is turning two.  Because she deserves my full attention today.