I wish that I could say I felt better after our appointment with the developmental pediatrician this past Monday. The news was basically positive: after a 3 hour evaluation of Baby Ella’s physical “skills” and behavior, the doctor determined there is no need for any further testing at this time. Meaning, there’s nothing really wrong with our girl. She doesn’t have any neurological issues that she can tell, and she looks/acts/behaves like any other normal baby.

I don’t know if many of you remember Ella’s dramatic entrance into the world: at 37 weeks my doctor feared my placenta had stopped working and decided she would be better off outside of my body rather than inside. For the latter half of my pregnancy, she was measuring small and I had a low-lying placenta (meaning it’s very low in the uterus, and can cover the cervix and cause preterm labor), but it righted itself (as they tend to do in most cases) and wasn’t an issue again until the very end. Now that we are in the thick of these delays, it makes sense that maybe Ella just needed to “bake” a little longer. At 37 weeks she was “technically” full-term, but I read somewhere that 5 pounds, 8 ounces (Ella’s birth weight) is the weight that determines whether a baby is a preemie or not!

Of course, you all know that she came home with us and spent no time in the NICU, but thinking back on her short life some patterns have emerged. She took forever to hold her head up during tummy time – much longer than Charlie. And she’s just teeny. They weighed her on Monday and she’s a flat 18 pounds – at 14 1/2 weeks! She’s not even forward-facing in her car seat yet!!

So it’s obviously great news that her delay may just be an issue of needing more time. And that I can handle and I know the therapy is doing wonders for her and I’m thrilled with the progress. But the eating thing is still a mystery, even to this woman, who is a specialist!!

There is no physical reason why Ella won’t feed herself. She has an excellent pincer grasp, has no sensory/texture issues, and is able to pick up anything she wants to. We’ve seen her lift things to her mouth, albeit slowly, but still. We got the ok from the doc to let one meal a day be an opportunity for her to feed herself, meaning no help from me. This is where that extra dose of patience comes in – she cried through lunch yesterday and it is so hard to listen to.

I need big prayers!! I really don’t know how much more I can take. I’m hoping that our “experiment” will produce great results. Trying to stay positive and remain calm. I would appreciate your prayers and am always hoping for a miracle!!