The house is a mess. We’ve spent the whole morning packing up Christmas, and I swear, the bins from last year have multiplied. Now the front of the house looks so empty!

Last night was a ball. Our dear friends Casey and Creighton came over with their sweet boy Marshall and spent the night with us. We thought it’d be a great way to celebrate the New Year without having to hire sitters and pay for an expensive meal. Instead, Creighton cooked these amazing steaks on the grill and Casey and Vann outdid themselves with a meal fit for a king. After the kids went down, we drank, played games, laughed, ate, and reminisced about the very first New Year’s we spent together, back in 2004. Ages ago!

Vann and I had just started dating – I would say we were in a very fragile state (you know, where you haven’t had the DTR convo – “Determining The Relationship”??) and I’m sure I was VERY nervous meeting all of his close friends for the first time. He had a party at his condo in downtown Chicago, and I distinctly remember feeling particularly fluttery about that New Year’s kiss. The next morning we met up with C & C for a traditional New Year’s Day brunch (you know, black-eyed peas and turnip greens?) and I got all dolled up (again, trying to impress) and I remember Casey showed up casual and I’m sure she thought I was REALLY into Vann at that point. We had a good laugh last night as I texted her before they came over and asked if she would be offended if I stayed in my comfies for dinner…to which she responded back, “I would be offended if you DIDN’T stay in your comfies!” Thattagirl.

So we renewed an old tradition by ringing in the new year with our great friends, truly, like family. We love you guys!

Ok, so I know it’s time to start talking resolutions, so here goes:

I really only have a couple. The first is to be fully engaged in community. This means our new life group at church, my MOPS group, my new and old friends, and all of the special women I’ve had the pleasure to meet since I’ve been here. Fully engaged. Do you know we didn’t make it to church once in December? I know. Shameful, right? What with sickness and company, we just didn’t get there…so that’s definitely something I want to improve on.

The other thing, or maybe things, as these have to do with each other – is to be kinder to myself and to take care of myself more. Anyone who knows me knows that I have issues with body image. My mother, God love her, has always had struggles in this area, so I grew up listening to her criticize herself. Of course this affected me – how could it not? I thought I would have a handle on it (my negative self-image) by the time I reached 30…and I don’t know if it’s the years of having my looks judged while pursuing a career in theatre and commercial work…facing rejection and not being able to compartmentalize…well, yuck and YUCK. Guess what, sister?? 33 is right around the corner. Who wants to live that way??

I’ve been hanging onto this little bit of Charlie weight since, well, she was born and I’m just so done with feeling sorry for myself. And here’s the thing, it’s so not about a number on the scale. Since I’ve been doing this bootcamp I’ve seen muscles in my arms I didn’t know I had. Now THAT’S a great feeling. I want to be in the best shape of my LIFE – and that means strong, and healthy, and comfortable in my clothes and in my own skin. So I set a goal for myself. My birthday, March 11th, is in 10 weeks, and I want to reach my goal by then. No more excuses. No more beating myself up.

I’m considering the monkey bread I’m eating right now to be the sayonara to 2010 – and I’m enjoying every bite of it, knowing I’m hitting it hard again this week. I’m ready to walk this new path, and I’m tired of killing myself because I have a bowl of ice cream. If I really want to do something about it, I have to actively change it. I have that power.

So that’s it. Fully engage, in community, in body, and in spirit. Doable, right??