As I chug down the coffee I made 3 hours ago (that’s now cold) and attempt to catch up online while Ella grabs some Z’s, I am shocked at the amount of sleep a person can do without and still be standing. These last few days have been such a whirlwind of emotions, hormones, and mayday emails. I really don’t know what I would do without the support of my friends and community. To those of you who have called, thank you, and I will call you back, I promise. I find that any moment I have free from sweet Ella I am either asleep on the couch or walking into walls.

I have mastitis. Yuck. The thing I most dreaded when I gave up the first time has now bitten me in the…well, you know. I am so thankful for my appointment yesterday that gave me a lovely prescription for antibiotics and the news that I would “feel like a new woman” in 24 hours. Turns out it’s very normal and just happens with breastfeeding.

Last night, my sweet hubby fed Ella her one bottle a day (I had two expressed milk bottles in the fridge, a teeny 2 ounces each) and she gulped both down and then woke up 90 minutes later hungry for more. This girl can eat, which I know is a wonderful thing, but I am just.so.tired. I know and recognize that this phase in her life is so short, and it won’t be long before she’s big enough that we can start thinking about a schedule and getting her on track…and I know that I will look back on this time and laugh at the sheer sleeplessness I feel and the days before a shower was an expected luxury.

Yesterday, the devil decided to introduce panic into my already frazzled brain about raising two, and I started to feel any confidence I had built crumble around me. Spiritual warfare exists, and I know that I need to sit down with the Lord, have a long conversation, open His Word and reconnect with the One who will truly get me through this tough phase. He saved me from throwing in the towel yesterday, even though I am unworthy of it and am so prone to doubt His good gifts. Luckily, I am surrounded by true prayer warriors and a husband who is giving and loving and would never let me drown.

Praying for a better tomorrow…