Life is hard. Change is rough. And nothing is perfect.
I don’t know about you, but I struggle with the idea of fantasy. All this time I’ve been wanting that “perfect” house, with the “perfect” furnishings and the “perfect” finishings, believing all these years that if we only had something larger than 1,500 square feet, life would be so much easier.
An admission: Sometimes I wonder if we’d be having all these issues if we’d bought a different house, a slightly newer house. Em lovingly reminded me that I’m lost in this fantasy of perfection – and life just isn’t perfect and if I put my hope in a house, I will surely always be disappointed.
Now, this is easier said than done. Another admission: I haven’t opened my Bible since we’ve been here, in fact, I’m not even sure where it is. And I wonder why I feel so lost.
I thought I might list the things about this house that I am grateful for:
1. We have a back staircase that leads directly up to a large playroom/media room. It’s probably the one room in the house that will remain largely undecorated/painted/etc…at least for now, when our kids are very small and all they really need is space to play. The great thing about it is that this morning, after we all had breakfast, the three of us padded upstairs in our houseshoes and pj’s (well, two of us padded) and the girls got to play and i got to sit and drink my coffee and blog-surf…never having to take my eyes off them. I know that a lot of hours will be spent in this room.
2. Our front formal living room has these amazing two story windows – the perfect spot for a Christmas tree.
3. We had our bedroom painted this beautiful Benjamin Moore shade of blue/gray, “Glass Slipper”. Yesterday, our furniture was delivered and I can’t tell you how killer the dark espresso wood looks next to that color. Once we get all the boxes unpacked, we’ll finally have that soothing master suite we’ve always wanted.
4. Our cats came home this weekend, and it finally feels like our home now that we are all under the same roof. I love seeing their paws hanging off the upstairs catwalk, snoozing away the days under their new roof.
5. Last night, after the girls went to bed and our internet and cable were finally fixed, Vann and I opened a bottle of wine, made dinner, and settled onto our leather couch for an evening of reality tv. We’ve never been able to lay on a couch together, so it’s really a luxury for us. It was a moment of bliss after so many tears of frustration (on my end, by the way, not Vann’s).
These things may all seem like selfish reasons to love our house, but they are a good reminder to me to live in the present and appreciate the here and now. Our house needs work, and that’s ok…because it doesn’t have to be perfect for our family to make memories in it. I have faith that no matter what inconveniences come our way (although I will probably still complain about it) God has the greater picture in mind and we will get through it. Maybe it’s also a reminder to laugh in the face of stress? So when the internet is down and our headboard arrives with a nasty scratch on it, and I’m called off the treadmill after 15 minutes because my previously perfectly behaved 8 month old decides today’s the day to start experiencing stranger danger…well, maybe instead of getting p.o.’d about it, I can just let it roll off my shoulders.
I’ll let you know how that goes. I can say that it feels really good to be back…blogging, that is. I hope that as time goes on, the loneliness will subside as we meet new people and join a new community. And dare I say it…not to be living in the future or anything, but you know it is August next week…which means fall is right around the corner. Just a little something to look forward to, when the days seem long and the boxes laugh at me from their neverending stacks.
