Remember this post? I can’t get my sweet online mama friend out of my mind.

Do you ever have moments when you really fear life and death? I admit, I don’t think about that kind of stuff too often – you know, where you have a flash of what life might be like without your husband, children, family, etc.? Don’t know why, but last night lying in bed with Vann asleep next to me, I had that thought. I thought of my friend L, and wondered how she is doing, how she is able to care for her three other children, love her husband.

I’ve read babylost mamas feel like one day they are one person and the next day they are another. Life takes on a different hue, a different light. I think about this sometimes when I feel frustrated with the girls and need some peace. What would the world look like if either of them was to leave it, having known them and loved them and birthed them?

I’ve been following this blog called Salty/Sweet. Oh man. What a story.

L got a tattoo of Cullen’s first initial on the inside of her wrist. Now that’s something tangible, something you see everyday, a reminder of what you have lost and what still remains. I could see myself doing the same thing.

Which makes me think that without Jesus, how in the world do you have any peace about the afterlife and where we go when we leave this place?

I know that L is going to share Cullen’s birth story with all of us soon. I am anxious to hear what happened that day. I messaged her and told her that I wished we were “real life friends” so I could know her and love her and let her just be…here. Here’s what she wrote back:

Amanda –

It is words like yours that somehow bring me peace. Knowing that other people whom I have never even ‘met’ in the real world care about his story is so very comforting. There are so many friends that come in and out of our lives- some that we can see, others that we talk to. Both are treasures. Somehow everything that has come out of this blog has been comfort and support. There is no greater gift for me right now so thank you my friend.

Love and grace- L