On Tuesday, little E caught the nasty virus Herpangina. Sounds gross, doesn’t it? Google it. Turns out it’s running rampant in her school right now and yeah, there’s nothing you can do except wait it out. Ella’s has manifested itself as a rash on her arms and legs, general crabbiness and a fever. Thankfully, I have an amazing Mother who was still willing to take her for the weekend while I attended a women’s conference at our church. Charlie, exercising her 4 year old will yet again, had three good days of swim lessons and then completely regressed and refused to get in the pool. This wouldn’t seem like such a big deal except that this is our second year of swim lessons and last year we spent close to $400 and all she did was stand on the edge of the pool and scream. Very disheartening when you have a summer of Texas heat ahead of you and neither of your children likes getting in the water. Period. To top it all off, this morning, when I went upstairs to check on Charlie, I found her curled up in the fetal position with a temperature of 101. All of that effort to separate them and they both caught something. Just the beginning of sibling germ-sharing, I’m sure. All of this makes for a pretty crappy week in my world. And yet, I was reminded this weekend how small I’ve let myself become. It’s easy to feel like you’re living in a bubble in the suburbs. It can seem like an impenetrable fortress at times. There’s free parking. Drive-through Starbucks on every corner. Exemplary schools. Mother’s Day Out programs where your children are being taught about Jesus and attend chapel every Friday. Attached garages (this was a big coup after living in the city). 4,000 square feet of house for what an 800 square foot condo costs in Chicago. Convenience. So when my kids are sick and swim lessons are a disaster it can feel like the world is falling down around me. In the greater picture of life, however, there is so much more, isn’t there? If you are a Believer in Christ, as I am – the Alpha and the Omega, Lord of Lords, King of Kings – you know that at the end of this life there is Hope because you will spend eternity at the feet of your Father. I know where my forever is but somehow I’ve forgotten where my present is. Who is this life about? Is it really about me and my day-to-day struggles, or is it about that 6 year old girl in India spending her days as a child prostitute? Is it about whether or not my kid gets into the preschool of my choice, or is it about those foster children who age out of foster care at 18 and have nowhere to go? Is it about replacing the carpet in our downstairs with hardwoods or is it about that family in my town who can’t pay their bills and have nothing to eat? I’m pretty sure that God wanted more for us (and from us) while we are on this Earth. I’m pretty sure that we aren’t called to prosper ourselves, but defend the fatherless. And I’m most definitely sure that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. So how I ended up in the place where I feel like I have nothing to offer is confusing to me. If it’s true that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, then why can’t I believe that? Why do I choose to live in this space of negativity and self-doubt and LIMITS, when God’s power is LIMITLESS. After a weekend of the powerful music of Natalie Grant and the immense wisdom of Charlotte Gambill, I am stopped in my tracks. I am left wanting and wondering… Wanting to do so much more with my life and wondering if I can do it. Can I make a difference in people’s lives? Can I use the gifts that God has given me and change hearts? Can I Dare To Be all that He has created me to be? This was one story that really hit me hard this weekend: 2 Kings 4:1-7
The Widow’s Olive Oil
4 The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.” 2 Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?” “Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.” 3 Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few. 4 Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.” 5 She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. 6 When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.” But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing. 7 She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.” I am an empty jar, constantly wanting to be filled, making life all about me: Why isn’t that happening for me? Why don’t I have what she has? Why hasn’t my dream come true? Why haven’t I been given those chances? When really, maybe it is my job to fill the jars of those I meet, to write about life and death and eternity and Christ and not worry so much about what I haven’t received but focus more on giving and filling and encouraging and letting God do His great work and TRUST that He sees the bigger picture. And maybe, just maybe, in the end I will be blessed far more than I could ever imagine. And then my life won’t feel so small anymore. No, it will feel as big as the sky, as deep as the ocean, and as wide as Heaven’s Gate. What will you Dare to Be today??
