Ugh. 

I am feeling SO defeated today!  We have entered Sassyville.  Have you been there before?  My 4 year old is the reigning Queen.  What is UP with the blatant refusal to listen to anything I say?  To be consistently UNgrateful for anything I try to do for her.  The still-present issues of sharing and being kind to her sister.  I just canNOT figure this kid out.  At any rate, I know this is all beginning in the land of girls but I am just so fed up and so…worried too.  If I raise my voice one too many times is she going to remember me as “that” mommy?  Will she carry these days into her adolescence and then adulthood and never forgive me for the piece of our cat’s birthday cake (yes, we celebrate her birthday) that I withheld from her?? It is astonishing to me how often I feel like a total failure as a parent.  Am I doing ANYTHING to help grow her into a well-adjusted, kind-hearted, loving member of society?? I do believe this is all a part of someone’s grand scheme to knock me down off the pedestal of last weekend’s conference: Me, thinking out loud to myself – “Oh, so now I’m a bad parent too??  It’s not enough that I’m a mediocre wife, friend and writer as well??” As Beth Moore would say, I need a “supernatural confidence”.  Amen to that – do I ever!  So I’ve been thinking a lot about the armor of God this week – you know, the age old passage in Ephesians that we all learned at church camp? Ephesians 6:10-20 New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Spiritual warfare is real…and you’d better believe the devil makes it his business to root around and find the chinks in your armor.  Is it insecurity?  Envy?  Worry?  Pride? 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. How many of you are exhausted by 5 pm?  Ready to throw in the towel?  You muster out a quick dinner/bathtime routine and move things along until you can CLOCK OUT.  Wouldn’t it be better if by the end of the day you aren’t just phoning it in? 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Truth, to know that you are a good parent and are making the best decisions for your children, whom you love.  Going through your day with as much grace and humility as you can – and having peace in God’s great and all-consuming love for you, His child.  16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. The shield of faith – ah, faith – a gift that I do not possess.  To know and believe something infinitely without question…as in God’s plan for your life and all of the great and powerful things He has in store for you.  The weapon against all of those lies of unworthiness. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. And finally, prayer – Prayers to protect our hearts, our minds, our spirits from all of those flaming arrows. Knowing where your heart lies, the Word – all essential to survival. It would make sense that armed with all of these things a supernatural confidence would be an easy thing to come by. But it’s not – and that’s why EVERY day you have to arm yourself yet again.  The actual definition of armor is “any covering worn as a defense against weapons”.  Armor protects the soft and vulnerable parts of ourselves: The heart.  The brain.  The skin.  The eyes.  All needing protection from the stresses of the world and susceptible to the smallest poison.  It is a daily battle, friends – one that I’m no closer to figuring out today than I was yesterday.  What do you need to arm yourself against??