Month: June 2012

The Thief.

I started a new book – “Walking with God” by John Eldredge.  It’s all about learning to hear God’s voice in your life.  A very wise woman in my life recommended it to me, after a long discussion we had about the subject of fear.  Something that I’m sure we all struggle with and yet no one talks about.  John 10:7-10 says: 7 Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. 8 All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. 9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I don’t know why this verse in particular resonated with me on this particular week – maybe I was just so over feeling paralyzed by all I cannot control.  Letting those voices of doubt stop me from doing what I long in my heart to do because I am afraid.  Afraid of what people will think, afraid I will regret my decisions, afraid of judgment…  It dawns on me, that life is just so fleeting, so short – a blink of an eye and 2012 is half over.  Driving through my college town this past weekend, realizing it was 12 years ago that I left there, so full of promise and cockiness and sheer willpower to succeed.  12 years – gone like the mist coming off a lake in the early morning hours.  All of these moments we try to stretch out, hoping for a do-over, another chance to do it right.  When in reality, we never get that time back.  It’s gone.  Then I start thinking about the next 12 years. How do I want to spend my days, my time?  God said, “I have come that [you] may have life, and have it to the full.”  The word Full is defined as “containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space”. Having no empty space for the enemy to hide, to destroy, to devour all of the good that God has built into my life. I realize that I am not living my life to the full.  How can I when I spend so much time fretting over other people’s expectations of me? Spurred on by this newfound clarity, I made a decision.  I went from this: iPhone pics 3-26-2012 121 …to this: 579600_10150951701137722_1674835123_n You may think, what does changing the color of my hair have to do with fear?  Ever since Reese Witherspoon colored her blonde locks for “Walk the Line”, I have wanted to do the same.  For 7 years.  And every single time I think I’m going to pull the trigger, I start to talk myself out of it: What if I hate it?  What if my family hates it?  What if my husband hates it?  What if it looks nothing like what I picture in my mind?  What if I can’t change it back and I’m doomed for the rest of my life with a hair color that doesn’t “fit” me?  I have only ever been a blonde.  My whole life.  Ask me what my “natural color” is and I’m not sure I can tell you.  That’s how long I’ve been a blonde. The day of my hair appointment my stomach was completely tied up in knots. But then, I was reminded of God’s Words in John 10 and knew that if I was going to live my life to the full, I would have to take risks and not let fear stifle me anymore. This might seem silly to some of you…but it really is a small picture of what God wants to teach us about fear.  God intends for our lives to be extravagantly and lavishly filled with Him.  To have no empty space, no vacuum for the enemy to fill. The end of the story is a good one – I love my hair.  Like, love, love, love a million times LOVE.  And I’m SO glad I didn’t let fear steal my joy.  What are you letting fear steal today?

A Story about Friendship.

I used to shop at Bebe and Arden B.  I know, I know – hard to believe but it’s true.  The fall of 2004 I saw this Bebe gold chain metal hobo bag (yes, you read that right) in a magazine and just HAD to have it.  Never mind that it was cheaply made and overpriced and completely impractical – it was flashy and looked like I was wearing a disco ball on my arm.  Sold.  This bag greatly mystified the guy I was dating at the time.  A very kind boy – but completely wrong for me in every way.  I’m sure he had NO idea what to do with me and my Studio 54 bag – no, scratch that, I KNOW he didn’t know what to do with me, hence the reason we only lasted a brief two months.  All of that being said, if it weren’t for that boy and that purse what happened next might never have occurred. The boy and the purse both accompanied me to a birthday party.  I don’t remember who it was for anymore – but I do remember this very stylish girl walking up to me and asking me what “her” name was – meaning, yes, the purse.  Well – I thought, “Who is this lovely person and why haven’t I met her before?”  Honestly, I was so smitten by her bubbly personality that I just had to get her email and proceeded to pursue her.  I’ve done that a few times in my adult life – you know when you just instantly “click” with someone and it’s really effortless and easy and you just HAVE to be friends?  That’s the way it was with her. I have a million and one stories about my dear friend Emily… How we sat on countless back porches and front steps ruminating over dating and our Christian faith and everything in between. How she was the person I called after my first date with Vann.  A date I wasn’t even sure was a date because I’d never been taken on an actual date before.  Picked up the phone in the middle of the night so I could discuss the play-by-play. How she was the person I called after we got engaged, seven months later, and then helped me plan my wedding, co-threw me the most charming lingerie shower ever, took me honky-tonk dancing for my “last night out” (and wore cowboy boots), and flew to Texas to stand up next to me as my Maid of Honor (sharing the job with my Matron of Honor, my dear friend Liz).  How she kept me sane by sharing a room with me the night before my wedding, yelling at the people in the hallway to “keep it down because the Bride is trying to get her beauty sleep”.  How our mutual love of makeup and her natural talent led her to graciously agree to do my makeup for my wedding. How we flew halfway across the world to Italy for our honeymoon and I was so overwhelmed/exhausted by the entire wedding extravaganza that I called her just to chat (and cry, ‘cause that’s how I roll, although not because of Vann – he always wants me to make that clear)…from Rome, Florence, and Venice. How she was there with me through both of my pregnancies – brought sugar-free candy to my house when I called her sobbing, having just found out I had gestational diabetes and had to DIET while pregnant, stayed with me in the room before both surgeries, held my babies when they were hours old, and brought in sushi and champagne to celebrate our growing family. It would take me hours and hours to tell every Emily story – there is so much more: showing up for each and every milestone in my young family’s life, every graduation, every baby dedication…she has cut up pineapple for a baby luau and stirred punch at a 2nd year birthday party.  All of this with the most loving, most giving, most gracious heart I’ve ever known.  She has never complained, just shown up.  She has been there, through everything.  Through a cross-country move to Texas and saying goodbye and miles between us that make it difficult sometimes to connect.  I could go on about my selfishness and how difficult it is to be my friend sometimes – she knows it all too well.  I look back over our 8 year friendship and I know I have failed her many times.  But she remains a constant, someone who never keeps score or says a bad word about anyone.  She loves my family, adores my children, and I’m so happy to say that she and my husband are very dear friends.  I am so thrilled to write that my dear Emily is getting married…and my heart is filled to the brim with joy!!  Because there really is no one who deserves it more. Congrats, my love, from our whole clan… …and Mitzi.