I’ve had this post on my heart for a few weeks…and really struggled whether it was just too personal to share.  The tiny nudges, the whispers in my soul to open up about our finances have only gotten louder as I try to keep them contained.  And of course, God knows what He’s doing, as always, and if I’m to use this blog as a ministry (such a scary thing to say out loud!) – well, here goes. Vann and I were never in debt before we made our big move.  But buying a house, furnishing that house (and there are still rooms that are empty), purchasing appliances (which we’ve never had to buy – apartment living for all those years in the city), a second car, the list goes on…after two years we are still paying off the debt we accrued.  And so last summer, after tithing faithfully for most of the year, we stopped so we could focus on paying off the debt. As Christians, we are called to give 10% of our earnings back to God.  He has much to say about this subject in the Bible: Matthew 25:29 says “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.” Acts 20:35 says “…You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” All that we have been given is God’s.  And all He asks from us is to have a generous heart and give back 10% of what we earn to the Kingdom.  And He says we will be blessed for it:  2 Corinthians 9:10-11 says “10Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. 11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.” God says we will reap what we sow.  I don’t think it’s an accident that we gave up tithing and our debt is still very much alive and kicking.  But this is so hard – and I admit, when our Pastor challenged us to be consistent givers a few weeks ago – I didn’t want to hear what God was telling me.  Trust me. But God, we need that money to make solid payments on the credit cards.  Trust me. But God, we need to buy a bigger car at some point. Trust me. But God, I know where the money is going this month and if we start this again it will mess everything up.  Can’t we push this back until August? Trust me. It was as if God was sitting right next to me, whispering in my ear.  Friends, His voice was as clear as day.  Trust me. So Vann and I spent most of our drive back from Tennessee a week ago talking through it: What are the dreams for our family?  Does it make sense to have another baby now when our financial stress is high?  Another baby means a bigger car, room re-do’s, furnishing a nursery…these things would add to what we owe, not subtract from it.  Is it wise?  Should we wait?  What is God telling us to do? Look, Vann makes a great living and we are blessed.  I know that, and I am thankful. But I also know that I am a true consumer.  I admit it – I love nice things.  I want my hair done, my body strong, healthy and sustainable food for my family, the latest makeup collection from MAC, new clothes for my girls – I could go on and on.  Something tells me that I’m not alone in this – and in our town I find it is really hard to keep up sometimes.  We are surrounded by big, beautiful homes filled with gorgeous furnishings and freshly manicured lawns.  On the outside, people’s lives look and seem perfect.  But we all know that appearances can be deceiving, and the devil fills the world with temptations of all sorts and sizes. And it is hard to resist.  This might be the greatest struggle of my life – my love and need for stuff.  Stuff.  That’s what it is – given to us by our loving God but cherished more than He. Probably not the point of His design.  Friends, with a very un-cheerful heart, I hit “send” on our church’s website yesterday.  I submitted an online gift for the first time in a year and I felt sick.  And immediately wanted to take it back.  I know that feeling was definitely not of God.  And I prayed for forgiveness for my ungrateful heart.  Is this not the very least I can do for my Heavenly Father?  To thank Him for this beautiful roof over our heads and the food in our mouths?  When so many are living with so much less? Oh God!  To be released from this ever-present need to keep up, have the latest and greatest, being a slave to the lender, stingy-ness of being the ultimate consumer!  I want freedom from this – to experience the power of consistent giving and all that You have designed generosity to be!  And so, today, we listen to you, Lord.  We hear you when you say in Malachi 3:10, “10 Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!” Trust me.