I love this girl.

A few years ago J. Crew came out with a catalog that featured this adorable blonde model running around Paris with an adorable Frenchman and an adorable tote filled to the brim with baguettes, chocolate, and newspaper. I still have that catty, tucked away in my “keep for future reference” file (I know, I’m a dork) – and the other day I flipped through it, wanting to be the girl with the adorable tote.

This is why Vann always says I’m the ideal customer – I get pulled into the “world” they (J. Crew and Anthropologie, among others) put forth.

“They” must be doing a good job, though, because don’t you want to either hug this girl or be her best friend?? I do. Oh, to be one of those fresh, freckle-faced girls with the messy (but non-greasy) hair and casually thrown together look. That “get out of bed” look.

Will someone please tell me WHY I cut all my hair off?? It’s sooo much easier to hide a five day shampoo strike when you can pile it up in a bun and stick various things in it to make it stay. You think I’m joking. I absolutely hate washing my hair.

Today I overheard a woman at the gym telling her friend that the “day [she] turned 40, [she] felt something fall.” Hmmm. All the women I know in their 40’s are sexy and fresh-faced and yoga-toned.

Must be the baguettes.

Life is hard. Change is rough. And nothing is perfect.

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with the idea of fantasy. All this time I’ve been wanting that “perfect” house, with the “perfect” furnishings and the “perfect” finishings, believing all these years that if we only had something larger than 1,500 square feet, life would be so much easier.

An admission: Sometimes I wonder if we’d be having all these issues if we’d bought a different house, a slightly newer house. Em lovingly reminded me that I’m lost in this fantasy of perfection – and life just isn’t perfect and if I put my hope in a house, I will surely always be disappointed.

Now, this is easier said than done. Another admission: I haven’t opened my Bible since we’ve been here, in fact, I’m not even sure where it is. And I wonder why I feel so lost.

I thought I might list the things about this house that I am grateful for:

1. We have a back staircase that leads directly up to a large playroom/media room. It’s probably the one room in the house that will remain largely undecorated/painted/etc…at least for now, when our kids are very small and all they really need is space to play. The great thing about it is that this morning, after we all had breakfast, the three of us padded upstairs in our houseshoes and pj’s (well, two of us padded) and the girls got to play and i got to sit and drink my coffee and blog-surf…never having to take my eyes off them. I know that a lot of hours will be spent in this room.

2. Our front formal living room has these amazing two story windows – the perfect spot for a Christmas tree.

3. We had our bedroom painted this beautiful Benjamin Moore shade of blue/gray, “Glass Slipper”. Yesterday, our furniture was delivered and I can’t tell you how killer the dark espresso wood looks next to that color. Once we get all the boxes unpacked, we’ll finally have that soothing master suite we’ve always wanted.

4. Our cats came home this weekend, and it finally feels like our home now that we are all under the same roof. I love seeing their paws hanging off the upstairs catwalk, snoozing away the days under their new roof.

5. Last night, after the girls went to bed and our internet and cable were finally fixed, Vann and I opened a bottle of wine, made dinner, and settled onto our leather couch for an evening of reality tv. We’ve never been able to lay on a couch together, so it’s really a luxury for us. It was a moment of bliss after so many tears of frustration (on my end, by the way, not Vann’s).

These things may all seem like selfish reasons to love our house, but they are a good reminder to me to live in the present and appreciate the here and now. Our house needs work, and that’s ok…because it doesn’t have to be perfect for our family to make memories in it. I have faith that no matter what inconveniences come our way (although I will probably still complain about it) God has the greater picture in mind and we will get through it. Maybe it’s also a reminder to laugh in the face of stress? So when the internet is down and our headboard arrives with a nasty scratch on it, and I’m called off the treadmill after 15 minutes because my previously perfectly behaved 8 month old decides today’s the day to start experiencing stranger danger…well, maybe instead of getting p.o.’d about it, I can just let it roll off my shoulders.

I’ll let you know how that goes. I can say that it feels really good to be back…blogging, that is. I hope that as time goes on, the loneliness will subside as we meet new people and join a new community. And dare I say it…not to be living in the future or anything, but you know it is August next week…which means fall is right around the corner. Just a little something to look forward to, when the days seem long and the boxes laugh at me from their neverending stacks.

Sometimes it’s just one thing after another, isn’t it? We’ve been fighting with AT & T to get our internet/cable set up for a week now. We had a brief window of service on Friday and then the picture on the TV froze during the evening news and we’ve been out of business since.

Marla graciously lets me have “office hours” at her house, and thank goodness because all of our banking is done online and I’m starting to feel very disconnected from the outside world. I haven’t watched the news (or anything else, for that matter) in two weeks. And don’t even get me started on how much I’m missing the Disney channel right now.

I’m sorry that the joy we feel about our new house has been stifled by life’s little annoyances. Last week I had a breakdown and cried to Vann about missing our community in the city. I now know why moving is one of the greatest stresses in life – and it doesn’t seem to be letting up – although we’ve only been in our house for two weeks.

I am longing for a return to a “new” normal. We joined a gym and I’m going to start going this week, in the hopes that exercise will relieve the great stress I feel. Hopefully we will be online for good this week, until then, please pray for us as we navigate through the beginnings of home ownership. We plan on starting our church search next Sunday, so we’d love prayers on that front as well.