{"id":289,"date":"2010-01-31T03:04:00","date_gmt":"2010-01-31T03:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2010\/01\/welcome-to-my-house-of-usher\/"},"modified":"2018-04-21T17:22:37","modified_gmt":"2018-04-21T17:22:37","slug":"welcome-to-my-house-of-usher","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2010\/01\/welcome-to-my-house-of-usher\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome to my House of Usher*"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My sweet girls.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m afraid Ella has fallen victim to the cough and cold monster. We&#8217;ve elevated her mattress, given her a vapor bath, and sent her through the roof with the bulb syringe&#8230;and the poor thing still sounds like she needs a prescription for anti-snoring medicine.<\/p>\n<p>This isn&#8217;t the half of it though, because yesterday I got the &#8220;trifecta&#8221; of baby blessings. While feeding her a bottle in the early afternoon, as I was enjoying my DVR&#8217;d &#8220;Real Housewives of Orange County&#8221; episodes, she decided she&#8217;d had a little too much and promptly spit up on me&#8230;and I&#8217;m not just talking about a little spit-up&#8230;it covered me, my clothes, and everything in the vicinity. After I recovered from the shock, I stripped off my curdled milk clothes and dunked her in a bath. I bathed and towelled her little peanut self and placed her on the changing table, and JUST at the moment I was grabbing a diaper, she peed on me. And not just a little pee, but a GEYSER of pee.<\/p>\n<p>After I recovered from the shock of THAT, I promptly called Ms. Lauren to see if this kind of behavior sounded like a stomach bug (please Lord, no) and when I hung up the phone with Lauren I took her temp (which you know makes babies feel the need to&#8230;you know) AAANNNDDD you guessed it, she pooped on me. And not just a little poo, but a MOUNTAIN of poo.<\/p>\n<p>You would think that after such a collection of episodes I might need a stiff drink. Lucky for me, I had a bottle of Pinot Noir just waiting to be uncorked. And so I did. Needless to say, little E gave me a run for my money. And no, these things don&#8217;t get any easier&#8230;seasoned Mom? Ha! How about &#8220;Seasoned Purveyor of Infant Bodily Functions&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>* A phrase so hilariously coined by Auntie Em, who has seen it all&#8230;<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_EzNMDgf7WQE\/S2T0NTs7Z2I\/AAAAAAAAE0o\/FFZMmtWSSPI\/s1600-h\/1-30-2010%2B003.JPG\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5432735559979853666\" style=\"DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 279px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/almostjuliet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/1-30-2010-003.jpg?w=628&#038;ssl=1\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_EzNMDgf7WQE\/S2T0NB-WT-I\/AAAAAAAAE0g\/K2BeL3D-BoI\/s1600-h\/1-30-2010%2B004.JPG\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5432735555221082082\" style=\"DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 204px; TEXT-ALIGN: center\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/almostjuliet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/1-30-2010-004.jpg?w=628&#038;ssl=1\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My sweet girls. I&#8217;m afraid Ella has fallen victim to the cough and cold monster. We&#8217;ve elevated her mattress, given her a vapor bath, and sent her through the roof with the bulb syringe&#8230;and the poor thing still sounds like she needs a prescription for anti-snoring medicine. This isn&#8217;t the half of it though, because [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1727,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/almostjuliet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/01\/1-30-2010-003.jpg?fit=280%2C320&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=289"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1729,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/289\/revisions\/1729"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1727"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}