{"id":53,"date":"2011-12-19T02:12:00","date_gmt":"2011-12-19T02:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2011\/12\/beautiful-exchange\/"},"modified":"2018-04-21T17:22:22","modified_gmt":"2018-04-21T17:22:22","slug":"beautiful-exchange","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2011\/12\/beautiful-exchange\/","title":{"rendered":"A Beautiful Exchange."},"content":{"rendered":"

I think it\u2019s safe to say I\u2019ve struggled with contentment most of my adult life.  At first, it was chasing down a dream of success and fame \u2013 starting out as a big fish in a small pond and then jumping headfirst into the ocean and having no idea how to swim.  Wanting to be recognized for the talent I was sure I had \u2013 but unsure of how to live with the scrutiny of the sharks.  But God was there.  Then it was wanting to find someone who would cherish me, love me, take care of me.  Someone who would walk me to my door at the end of a date, remember my birthday, make me feel like I was the most beautiful woman he\u2019d ever seen.  Someone who wanted me to be \u201cthe\u201d one.  God was there, through all those sleepless nights. After I married my best friend \u2013 well, babies, of course!  Girls.  Especially girls.  I wanted to hold an extension of myself in my arms.  To be a mother.  To love something, really love something, give anything for and to this tiny person that was half Vann, half me.  God was there, as I delivered two baby girls over the course of four years.  Both healthy, teeny, fiery, salty, spirited, precious creations.  Our apartment in the city was too small.  I wanted to be closer to family, to my Mom and Dad.  I wanted to be able to drive to see my brothers, sister-in-law\u2019s, niece and nephew.  I wanted to feel the warmth and safety of suburban life.  The space, the ability to stretch out and grow if we so desired.  And yep, God was there \u2013 in the midst of a cross-country move and our first house and all that entailed starting from scratch. And so here we are.  We\u2019re in our spacious home, and we have all that we could EVER need \u2013 and I find that I still struggle with and focus on the things that I DON\u2019T have versus the things that I DO have. For instance: why isn\u2019t MY tree as beautifully decorated as her tree?  Why is she able to afford those shoes and I can\u2019t?  Why aren\u2019t we able to take that big trip we\u2019d like to take, and they can?  Why did we buy a house that needs updating?  What if it takes us awhile to redo our bathroom and replace the appliances in our kitchen?  Why is that person doing that play and I\u2019m not?  Why is that person able to sing like that and I can\u2019t?  And of course, why is she skinnier than me, able to eat more junk food than me, sporting those Cameron Diaz arms I covet so much \u2013 oh, the list goes on and on.  But here\u2019s the truth: the Devil loves this.  He LOVES this.  He can\u2019t believe how great his luck is \u2013 I\u2019m his perfect target.  All he has to do is whisper one lie and my brain goes into free-fall.  It only takes one little push.  And he\u2019s won. But only for the moment, because God is there.  And this morning, during worship at church, my heart was stirred.  Through the music, the singing, the clapping, the heavenly praise, I felt God\u2019s presence.  His gentle hand on my shoulder.  His loving embrace.  Here\u2019s another truth: NONE OF IT MATTERS.  Do you get that?  I\u2019m pretty hard-headed and I\u2019m almost 34 years old \u2013 but I think I\u2019m beginning to understand.  So I wish I had been the next Kate Winslet, so I wish I could eat donuts until I\u2019m blue in the face and not gain an ounce, so I wish I kept a cleaner home, so I wish I never yelled at my children.  SO.WHAT? What matters, truly, is that I am loved by the Son of God.  He sees the big picture.  He knows what my purpose is on this Earth.  He has trusted me with this life, this family, this home \u2013 and all of this is exactly what He has for me, where I\u2019m supposed to be, right now.  He<\/em><\/strong> is the One who is supposed to sustain me.  Not a pair of red-soled shoes, hand-scraped hardwood floors, or a prestigious role on Broadway.  And when I can finally get that through my thick skull, hopefully the rest of it will fade away.  It won\u2019t matter.  Because He<\/em><\/strong> matters.  Holy are you, God<\/strong><\/em> Holy is Your name<\/strong><\/em> With everything I\u2019ve got,<\/strong><\/em> My heart will sing how I love You\u2026<\/strong><\/em> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think it\u2019s safe to say I\u2019ve struggled with contentment most of my adult life.  At first, it was chasing down a dream of success and fame \u2013 starting out as a big fish in a small pond and then jumping headfirst into the ocean and having no idea how to swim.  Wanting to be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-53","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1173,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53\/revisions\/1173"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}