{"id":84,"date":"2011-06-30T04:55:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-30T04:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2011\/06\/conviction\/"},"modified":"2018-04-21T17:22:25","modified_gmt":"2018-04-21T17:22:25","slug":"conviction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/2011\/06\/conviction\/","title":{"rendered":"Conviction."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"6-26-2011<\/a> Sometimes I think I might be the WORST mother out there.  I\u2019m not trying to get sympathy \u2013 just being honest.  I\u2019m feeling super convicted tonight about the way I\u2019ve been treating Charlie.  My mom suggested today that C\u2019s frustrating behavior as of late could be due to the extra attention Ella\u2019s been getting\u2026and I think she might have hit the nail on the head.  All these months of struggle and feeding challenges and a 20 month old who is still not walking completely on her own \u2013 I wonder how my sweet eldest has dealt with all of it, emotionally.  I\u2019ve noticed myself really praising E lately \u2013 especially as she has made such amazing progress and is doing so many cute things.  It\u2019s sort of delayed, you know \u2013 all of these little milestones she should have reached months ago.  To see her putting the buckle of her car seat up to her ear and jabbering on to an imaginary friend \u2013 well, it\u2019s just too much.  In a good way.  And Charlie?  She gets my raised voice, my impatience, my short temper.  She even gets shame.  Yeah, she had tinkled a little in her pants during rest time and when she came downstairs to tell me, I scolded her and hurried her into the bathroom to finish the job, scowling the whole way. Yuck. Not feeling too proud of myself tonight.  I just went up and checked on her and she\u2019s lying sideways in the bed, deep in sleep.  She\u2019s 3 for goodness sakes, and sometimes I expect so much more out of her \u2013 like she should just know<\/em> better. The truth is, I<\/em> should know better.  I\u2019m the adult.  I\u2019m the parent.  I\u2019m the one who is supposed to know when to keep my cool.  I\u2019m the one who needs to control my inner tantrum.  I\u2019m the one who knows and recognizes my sin nature. I would throw myself in front of a bus for that little girl.  I would take a bullet for her.  Sometimes, when I think about her mortality I get a little weak in the knees.  I\u2019m assuming she will be this little forever, that she will always be mine, that she will never  leave me. I want to love her better.  To put her needs above my own.  I want to love her unconditionally.  To be a safe respite for her \u2013 not a place of harsh words and disapproval.  I want to push my own selfishness aside and teach<\/em> her the way. So, I\u2019m praying for a better day tomorrow.  Do you ever have days where you feel like you have a lot to learn??  Where your selfishness reigns supreme?? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I think I might be the WORST mother out there.  I\u2019m not trying to get sympathy \u2013 just being honest.  I\u2019m feeling super convicted tonight about the way I\u2019ve been treating Charlie.  My mom suggested today that C\u2019s frustrating behavior as of late could be due to the extra attention Ella\u2019s been getting\u2026and I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1223,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-84","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/almostjuliet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/6-26-2011-012_thumb1.jpg?fit=512%2C484&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=84"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1222,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84\/revisions\/1222"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1223"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=84"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=84"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=84"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}