Today was one of those days that sort of flies by \u2013 school drop-offs, laundry, an endless loop of chores that never seem to be done.\u00a0 I nursed the baby every 3 1\/2 hours and put her down for naps, managed to order some Christmas presents and make myself a quick lunch.\u00a0 Made a couple phone calls for Dr.\u2019s appointments and confirmed plans for Thanksgiving with my Mom.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until 1 pm that I realized I hadn\u2019t really TALKED to another person.\u00a0 Like, really had a conversation that didn\u2019t consist of factual information.\u00a0 By the time I did the pick-up routine and busied the girls for the afternoon, my mind had reached this frenzied state.\u00a0 I had spent the whole day having conversations in my mind, reciting to-do\u2019s and going over how much milk I needed to freeze to cover our New Year\u2019s getaway.\u00a0 When Vann walked in the door, he remarked that I seemed \u201con edge\u201d \u2013 and he was right.\u00a0 I was.\u00a0 I was UNDER-socialized.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s one of the scary things \u201cthey\u201d don\u2019t tell you about motherhood \u2013 how utterly isolating it can be.\u00a0 We all have these days, right?\u00a0 You\u2019re scouring Facebook, and all you see are the kidless vacations and fabulous playdates \u2013 vacations that feel very far away when you are cradling a newborn and playdates that seem, dare I say, glamorous when you have baby spit-up on your neck that you haven\u2019t had the time to wash off, oh, in 2 days?<\/p>\n
There are times, after living in the \u201cbig\u201d city for 10 years, pursuing a dream I thought would be a reality, a life that was mine and mine alone, that I wonder what the next chapter will be, when my kids are all in \u201cbig\u201d school and I\u2019m left with all those hours without little ones to diaper and potty train and put in time-out.\u00a0 What does the Lord have for this would-be writer, budding merchandiser, Shakespeare-loving dreamer?\u00a0 What is the next piece of my story?\u00a0 I wish I had a small picture of it now, to get me through the long days.\u00a0 And I\u2019m sure I will look back on these years fondly, as many people do.\u00a0 I just wish I didn\u2019t feel so damn lonely sometimes.\u00a0 And it\u2019s not for lack of people that love me \u2013 God knows we have been loved fiercely by our friends, especially this third time around.\u00a0 But out of sight, out of mind \u2013 and I fear that\u2019s the case with people sometimes.\u00a0 I mean, we\u2019re all doing our best, as my hubby likes to remind me.\u00a0 Most people, are doing the best they can.\u00a0 Little V is 10 weeks today.\u00a0 The evening fussiness has drastically improved, she\u2019s basically dropped the middle-of-the-night feed and is going 10:30 \u2013 6 or 7 most days.\u00a0 She\u2019s smiling back more, cooing a bit and generally a very sweet baby.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to believe that 10 weeks ago the Doc \u201cmade a door and pulled her out\u201d (a quote from the Real Housewives of Atlanta that I just love, shows you what I\u2019ve been watching a lot of these days) \u2013 and that part of my life as a woman is over.\u00a0 The baby-making part.\u00a0 I am officially done, physically and otherwise.\u00a0 And while I knew this day would come, I am conflicted.\u00a0 It was time, for us \u2013 we knew 3 made us complete.\u00a0 But at some point in the not so distant future, I will send little V off to Kinder and be faced with what\u2019s next.\u00a0 Because it does really go as fast as they say.<\/p>\n
I hope if you\u2019re a Mom to little ones you have your village around you.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what I would do without mine.\u00a0 Today was a lonely day.\u00a0 But I guess I was too wrapped up in all of it to notice at the time.\u00a0 It\u2019s only now, after the house is quiet and all seems real, that I am aware of it.\u00a0 And maybe next time I will do a better job of reaching out for my village.\u00a0 Because just because you have three kids it doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t struggle with the same things you did when you were first running these roads.\u00a0 Motherhood is a journey.\u00a0 You are watching pieces of your heart literally walk around you, living their little lives outside of your body.\u00a0 It is the greatest exercise in letting go that ever existed.\u00a0 Plain and simple, you are not in control.\u00a0 You are doing the work.\u00a0 The good work that the good Lord set out for you to do. And for now, that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 And don\u2019t misunderstand.\u00a0 It really, really is enough.\u00a0 More than enough.\u00a0 This song came on Pandora as I\u2019m writing this:<\/p>\n
I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous)<\/em><\/strong> I stand amazed in the presence This made me think \u2013 see, Amanda, He sees you, load after load of laundry, hours upon hours of nursing that baby, taking your 4 year old to the potty \u2013 especially when she insists on taking off ALL of her clothes to go to the bathroom \u2013 not having dinner ready most nights of the week, Christmas decorations strewn haphazardly all over the house, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for the 50th time today \u2013 He sees all of it and He knows.\u00a0 And how marvelous, indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Today was one of those days that sort of flies by \u2013 school drop-offs, laundry, an endless loop of chores that never seem to be done.\u00a0 I nursed the baby every 3 1\/2 hours and put her down for naps, managed to order some Christmas presents and make myself a quick lunch.\u00a0 Made a couple […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4229,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions\/4229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/almostjuliet.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nOf Jesus the Nazarene,
\nAnd wonder how He could love me,
\nA sinner, condemned, unclean.
\n<\/strong><\/em> Chorus:
\nO how marvelous! O how wonderful!
\nAnd my song shall ever be:
\nO how marvelous! O how wonderful!
\nIs my Savior’s love for me!<\/strong><\/em>
\nHe took my sins and my sorrows,
\nHe made them His very own;
\nHe bore the burden to Calvary,
\nAnd suffered and died alone.<\/strong><\/em>
\nWhen with the ransomed in glory
\nHis face I at last shall see,
\n\u2019Twill be my joy through the ages
\nTo sing of His love for me.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n