Charlie got sent to the office at her preschool last Friday.  For hitting.  Fantastic.  She had a little trouble at the beginning of the school year, in September – but after a few weeks she was excelling.  We finished the semester on a really high note and received the sweetest letter from her teacher praising her “warm heart and wonderful spirit” and ended it by saying she thought Charlie was a strong, determined girl who would go on to do GREAT things in life. Well, of course that had me bawling.  Because Vann and I like to think we know our little girl.  I’ve written many, many times on this blog about my eldest.  She is a strong-willed child, always has been.  She’s smart, quirky, kind-hearted, and full of boundless energy.  Putting both of our girls in preschool was one of the greatest decisions we’ve ever made, but especially for Charlie – who loves school and loves learning.  She is an incredibly social child, loves her “friends” (she even calls her babysitters that) and feeds off of other people.  She needs that interaction.  Sounds a lot like me – although truth be told, she really is Vann’s mini-me in every other way. So, yes, I know I’m not the only parent to ever receive a bad report about their child at the end of a school day.  And we’ve had our struggles with her behavior before.  But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  And I have a really hard time separating my child’s behavior from my parenting – my worth as a Mother. Have you ever felt that way? I know in my heart what a lovely child Charlie is.  And I’m really trying to NOT beat myself up for all of this and give myself grace – but I’m sorry – it is debilitating to even THINK I’m being judged because Charlie doesn’t have complete control over her emotions at 4 years old.  We are doing everything we can think of to support her teacher’s efforts.  She had privileges taken away.  She spent the entire weekend without her army of stuffed animals in her bed – her most prized possessions.  She didn’t get to go to the park on Friday after school, or watch TV, or have books at bedtime.  We’ve both talked at length with her about her behavior and how we are supposed to treat our friends.  She got a spanking, even. So imagine my face when she comes up to me this weekend and tells me she’s pooped in her pants.  And then proceeded to do it 3 or 4 more times.  Really???  Cause she’s been potty-trained now for almost 2 years.  Infuriating. At her 4 year well check-up last September, I asked her pediatrician “when” she will cross over that invisible line into the land of a-teeny-bit-more-maturity-ville.  She told me that somewhere between 4 and 5 they (speaking in generals here) start to change.  I talk to her all the time about being a leader.  That’s one of the things her teachers praises her for constantly – that she’s a great leader in her class.  I know that will serve her very well in life.  If only we can harness her energy and teach her how to use it for good and not for evil.  Ha! I felt a little bit like I was falling down a well earlier today.  When I called her doc to get her insight on what’s been going on with Charlie, she asked us to come in this week so we can speak face to face.  My mind went there – you know, that she just doesn’t want to tell me over the phone that there is something wrong with my child.  I’m sure it’s more that she just wants all the facts so she can equip me with the tools I need to parent Charlie in the best way.  Ugh.  Who wants a drink?  I’m popping the cork right now.

So if you had told me a year ago that I would be getting paid to write, I would’ve thought you were crazy.  Like I’ve said a million times before, I’ve always been a writer in my own mind.  But when you’re solely focused on one thing for years, it’s hard to ever think you will do anything else.  It’s been almost a year since I told Vann that what I wanted for my birthday was to buy my own domain, have someone redesign my blog, make it really about me and what goes on inside this nutty head of mine.  He said, “Easy enough” (and was probably relieved I didn’t want something with a certain monogram on it) and AlmostJuliet.com was born.  Not long after that I started getting more involved with my MOPS group and got brave enough to actually meet some girls.  I remember chatting with my friend Jen one day about the company she had started.  She told me a bit about it – social media marketing and website development, among many other things – and I guess God planted a teeny kernel in my heart.  At the end of the summer she sent me an email.  She wanted me to write some Facebook prompts for an event one of her clients was having – a written interview, if you will. I immediately called Vann at work and completely panicked.  What in the heck was I supposed to do with this?  There’s no way she could possibly be interested in me.  No way.  Fortunately I married a man who is not only insanely supportive of anything I set out to do, but a Master in Communications – literally, from Northwestern University, and in his career – I mean, that is what he does for a living.  He will always downplay his many talents, but the truth is that he’s wicked smart and amazingly gifted with people.  Everybody loves Vann.  And he’s a fantastic listener – which I have to have because you know I spend many hours of the day talking to and about myself. Anyway, he told me that you never know where God will lead you and what a great opportunity this was to showcase what I can do.  And, hello, isn’t this what I had wished and prayed for, back in February of last year?  Be careful what you pray for, I guess. So fast forward to today and I am officially a “working” mom.  I write copy for websites, ghost write for blogs, and comprise e-newsletters for our clients…all while continuing my “hobby” of reselling the girl’s clothes on eBay and in consignment sales, serving on the steering committee of my MOPS group as head of publicity, attempting a social life and of course, most importantly, keeping my hubby and two little girls alive everyday (well, Vann can make himself a bowl of cereal, you know, so maybe he can keep himself alive – but the girls are too short to reach the milk). All of this to say – to my working mom friends – I salute you.  Because I’ve only been doing this for a few short months and I gotta tell you – I’m pooped.  It’s all great stuff – but I feel like I’m having some trouble managing my time and am nervous and sometimes worried that I’m going to get it all done.  Here’s what concerns me the most – can I be honest with you?  I’ve taken Wellbutrin since I had post-partum with Ella.  I know at some point I will need to wean off of it – but I’m scared.  With my history of depression I’m a tad nervous that all of that old anxiety and helplessness might come rushing back.  I pray that it doesn’t.  What’s great is that I know I have an awesome God who loves me and an amazing support system of wonderful friends here and back in Chicago.  I know that I will never want for true and intimate friendship and community. So there you have it.  I’m a working mom.  I get paid to write!  How cool is that?? Now if a girl could just find the time to get a pedicure!

I have this…thing…for grocery stores.  I know – hawt, right??  I might even have a borderline, er, issue: “Hi, I’m Amanda, and I’m addicted to grocery shopping.”  “HI AMANDA.” I wonder if anyone else happens to frequent grocery stores numerous times throughout the week.  Even when I budget, even when I meal-plan, even when I’m trying to be “good” – all of those delicious rows of perfectly packaged and pristinely lined up products get me all in a tizzy.  So, without further adieu, my “love letters” to my favorite grocery destinations: —————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Dear Trader Joe’s, Do you know I smuggled a bunch of holiday goodies in a backpack home from Chicago?  So many, in fact, that I had to unload some weight from my suitcase so as not to pay the “heavy bag” fee of $100.  That’s how much I miss you here.  Thank the Lord you are FINALLY building stores in Texas.  I suppose I’m going to have to start fighting the other mommies for Two Buck Chuck and olive oil popcorn – and oh yeah, that to die for frozen Tikka Masala I used to eat like, everyday.  The BEST frozen section, period.  Oh my mouth just waters at the thought.  And the people are so friendly – and do you think you will have balloons for my 4 year old when we check out?  I do so love the balloons. Please hurry.  I’m expecting to see some delightful chocolate truffle bunnies around Easter time. Your biggest fan, Amanda —————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Dear Whole Foods, I know people call you “Whole Paycheck”, and I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings.  I’m sure you are doing JUST FINE.  Really and truly, you do be the prettiest, prettiest girl.  I have never witnessed a more glorious sight than your seafood counter at opening time.  The colors!  The feast for the eyes!!  Glory be, it makes me want to cry.  My favorite spot in your store is most definitely your deli and hot bar.  Oh, and the sushi!  The only sushi in a grocery store I would eat – and you have those delish “fruit sushi” spring rolls with that sweet dipping sauce – Oh!  And pie shooters.  Pie shooters ROCK. Over Christmas I had a delightful bowl of vegetarian chili accompanied by some jalapeño cornbread.  It warmed my soul to the deepest part of my being.  I wish that we could be together forever. Sadly, I am keeping my distance from you at present – I try to keep you a secret from my hubby but he finds receipts sometimes and I think I might be cut off soon.  So…I will be loving you from afar for a bit.  But don’t think it’s because I don’t love you.  Always, Amanda —————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Dear Central Market, I love that you are the fancier version of the tried and true HEB store.  At Baylor we called the HEB near campus “the Ghetto HEB”.  You, my dear, are most certainly NOT Ghetto.  I liken you more to a lovely flower, filled with foodie delights and the most fantastic produce section I’ve ever seen. We bought our Thanksgiving bird from you last year, and may I say, it was delicious.  I love how at your meat counter you have an old school numbering system.  I like to feel like a “lady who lunches” sometimes and grab a number and wait for it to be called, even though there’s no on else in line.  And you have really good lobster mac n’ cheese.  Over the holidays you had the cutest little flavored marshmallows – I actually gifted those to quite a few people – definitely didn’t save any for myself.  I wish you were closer to me.  It makes me sad that we are so far apart.  When I am off my self-imposed grocery store exile I will visit you again…preferably with no crankypants toddler to shuttle around.  I like to take in your beauty with only the voices in my head to accompany me. Talk to ya later, A

The weeks right after Christmas are ALWAYS a funky time for me.  All that anticipation and build-up – and then it’s January.  And February.  My two least favorite months of the year.  The coldest months and the most dreary.  “But Amanda”, you’re probably thinking, “you love the cold weather!”  Ah yes, I do, but cold accompanied by the festivities of the holidays is so lovely and romantic.  Cold accompanied by…well…nothing is just…sad.  Does that sound crazy? I often wonder if I have a propensity for seasonal depression.  After having walked through post-partum depression once I am probably more…aware, I guess.  Or maybe I’m just extra sensitive.  I don’t know.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my “New Year’s Resolutions”.  In year’s past, weight issues would always be at the top of my list.  As 2012 begins, I wonder if I’m starting to break through all of those facades I’ve created in my mind about my body.  Granted, I lost 10+ pounds this past year (I’m not gonna lie, that feels pretty great) BUT could it be that I’m finally cutting myself some slack on this road to supposed “perfection”? I may never be completely happy with the girl/woman that stares back at me in the mirror…and I think that’s ok.  I have felt the little victories this past year – buying a smaller size pair of jeans, for one!  Have I finally learned how to use my curling iron and feel like I’m having a “good hair” year??  Yes!  Is my skin better than it’s been in years?  Totally!  Will I rock a two-piece anytime soon?  Mmmm…probably not.  But maybe it’s time to start celebrating the fantastic things about myself instead of focusing on the things I can’t stand.  I think the time for kindness towards myself is now. Vann and I had a long talk the other day, about 2012 and what we hope it holds for us.  It feels like any surplus of money these next few years is already spoken for, between home projects, renovations and the potential for a bigger car – that it’s already all planned out.  The truth is, we just don’t know what’s in store in 2012.  I’d love to take a big trip, considering we haven’t been anywhere major (aside from work trips or weekend getaways) since we got married, almost 6 years ago.  And then there’s the million dollar question: do we go from a family of four to a family of five? So, resolutions – my list is actually small:

• finally learn how to use the Nikon my dad bought us 2 years ago.  yeah, I only know how to point and shoot – embarrassing!
• brush up on my French if we decide to take that Canadian vacay
• reach my weight loss goal by valentine’s day
• have more of a servant’s heart (especially when it comes to things I don’t want to do)

And, a first, as I enter into the spring selling season (eBay and consignment) – refrain from buying ANY boutique-y clothes for the girls for spring/summer.  90% of the nicer stuff I bought them last year is still hanging in their closets with THE TAGS ON THEM.  Play clothes are the ticket this summer – ESPECIALLY because you-know-who will be potty training at some point I’m sure (don’t get me started on that) and it’s just TOO HOT! So, with that being said, my proceeds this season from selling are going towards…an iPad.  Yep, I’m hoping this motivates me to get this stuff outta here.  And I think if there is money leftover after that I’m going on a shopping spree to Lululemon.  So there. Anxiously awaiting the return of good T.V. and trying not to shop or go to Whole Foods multiple times during the week = better find myself another hobby.  Happy Thursday!!