Today I learned a great lesson about myself and the way I handle good (or bad) news. So often I automatically expect the worst in people. When did I become someone who views everything as a glass half empty?? When did my heart become so hardened??
I am doing “rounds” at my OB’s office this month, which means that I am seeing the other docs in my practice, in the (unforseen) event that one of them has to deliver the baby. Today it was a friendly male doc and after the obligatory exchange of pleasantries, questions and answers, etc., I explained to him my need for more information about my gestational diabetes diagnosis. After looking over my chart, he told me that from what he saw I didn’t have gestational diabetes.
Um…huh??
After re-testing, they had all come to the conclusion that I only “failed” one blood draw out of four and therefore was in the clear (remember I told you all that two failed blood draws = gestational diabetes)…and in his opinion, I was in the normal range. He did say that he didn’t want to speak for my doc and wasn’t fully aware of my entire situation, but from what he saw on the chart I was good to go.
Don’t get me wrong, I DID feel elated…at first. I do distinctly remember the nurse calling back twice last week to tell me to still continue on the diet and we’d revisit the subject when I saw my doc again next month…but what I wasn’t prepared for was the possibility that I am simply. not. diabetic.
I thanked him and gathered up Charlie and all of her belongings (all the while as she’s pitching a fit in the exam room and wandering the hallways) and left. I immediately called Auntie Em to “unpack” the situation and was so ANNOYED and felt so INCONVENIENCED…once again, bemoaning how POORLY this was all handled.
What she has a way of reminding me of, as usual, is that yes, I can choose to be frustrated about it, but isn’t my energy better spent celebrating the goodness of the news instead?? That maybe it’s not that it was poorly handled, but two entirely different docs interpreting things differently, one being more conservative because she knows my past history and just wants to be on the safe side??
Huh. I hadn’t thought about it that way, but she was/is right. I automatically jumped to the harried conclusion that everyone is just out to get me and make me miserable. That somehow the office staff and nurses just want to trample on my feelings and deny me goodies and keep me in a sugar timeout.
The TRUTH of the matter is that throughout this month of diets, testing, re-testing, parking fees, arranging babysitting, etc., God really taught me a lesson about myself. God taught me that life is inconvenient. That sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, go places we don’t want to go, hear news we don’t want to hear…and in the end, isn’t it how we HANDLE these things that make us who we are??
I wish I could say that I’ve dealt with this with more grace, but the truth is, I’ve been just plain mad. And now I feel silly. Silly because I’m not diabetic and all this time I thought it was just the END of the WORLD and how in the world was I ever going to live through this again??
It may be that they test me again before this is all over…and I’m really going to try to have a better attitude about it all. I really thought that this was a black and white issue, that either I have it, or I don’t. But maybe it’s just not that simple. And Lord knows, learning how to eat in a healthy, balanced way is good for me AND my family.
So, here I am, learning how to view the glass half full.
Here I am, CELEBRATING the fact that I do not have a diagnosis of gestational diabetes after all.
Here I am, learning about gratitude and grace. Growing up, so my daughters will see that life is not about what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you.
A work in progress, that’s what I am.
