Month: November 2009

The Eye of the Storm

Last night, after a full Thanksgiving meal and lots of fellowship and good conversation, the grandparents went their separate ways, except for Mimi (my Mom), who will be staying with us for almost two weeks. Although Vann and I were excited to experience our “family of four”, we were both pretty sad after everyone left yesterday. Life does go on, I suppose, and eventually we will be left to care for our two girls without the help of willing family members.

I am often emotional and teary these days, as I usually am in times of big change, and I know in my heart that “this too shall pass”, but for today I look around my messy apartment and am overwhelmed. I stare into the mirror at this harried, bleary-eyed woman and I am overwhelmed. I am unable to pick Charlie up when she wants me to and am faced with a hungry infant every 2-3 hours and I am overwhelmed.

Don’t misunderstand, I am bursting with thanks for all of God’s blessings, but I am terrified that I will do this poorly. This, meaning raising two small children. Right now the road looks very long and all I want is to sleep for one full day, to catch up, to pause everything so I can breathe.

So, not that you all care, but I will get back to posting pics of sweet Charlie and Ella at some point. For now, you just may be subjected to my random musings and thoughts as I attempt to make sense of my new life. It won’t be long before we can get this girl started on a schedule and she will begin sleeping for longer stretches at night. It WILL happen, I know it.

The Deep End

As I chug down the coffee I made 3 hours ago (that’s now cold) and attempt to catch up online while Ella grabs some Z’s, I am shocked at the amount of sleep a person can do without and still be standing. These last few days have been such a whirlwind of emotions, hormones, and mayday emails. I really don’t know what I would do without the support of my friends and community. To those of you who have called, thank you, and I will call you back, I promise. I find that any moment I have free from sweet Ella I am either asleep on the couch or walking into walls.

I have mastitis. Yuck. The thing I most dreaded when I gave up the first time has now bitten me in the…well, you know. I am so thankful for my appointment yesterday that gave me a lovely prescription for antibiotics and the news that I would “feel like a new woman” in 24 hours. Turns out it’s very normal and just happens with breastfeeding.

Last night, my sweet hubby fed Ella her one bottle a day (I had two expressed milk bottles in the fridge, a teeny 2 ounces each) and she gulped both down and then woke up 90 minutes later hungry for more. This girl can eat, which I know is a wonderful thing, but I am just.so.tired. I know and recognize that this phase in her life is so short, and it won’t be long before she’s big enough that we can start thinking about a schedule and getting her on track…and I know that I will look back on this time and laugh at the sheer sleeplessness I feel and the days before a shower was an expected luxury.

Yesterday, the devil decided to introduce panic into my already frazzled brain about raising two, and I started to feel any confidence I had built crumble around me. Spiritual warfare exists, and I know that I need to sit down with the Lord, have a long conversation, open His Word and reconnect with the One who will truly get me through this tough phase. He saved me from throwing in the towel yesterday, even though I am unworthy of it and am so prone to doubt His good gifts. Luckily, I am surrounded by true prayer warriors and a husband who is giving and loving and would never let me drown.

Praying for a better tomorrow…

A Quick Update

Vann has been having a ton of fun snapping shots with Poppy’s fancy Nikon camera!! My parents got here yesterday and I’m afraid I haven’t been the life of the party…we think I may have a breast infection (sorry, guys) as I have some of the typical symptoms and have been feeling super-rundown. The good news is that I have my 2 week OB appointment tomorrow morning, so hopefully I can get started on some meds ASAP.

The best news, however, is that our little peanut is officially back up to her birth weight, in fact, she’s at 5 pounds, 8 1/2 ounces!! It feels great to know that she’s getting enough when she nurses and is rocking out the weight gain. Today she had a long period of “awake time” in which she contemplated the problems of the world while practicing her blinking. Looks like she’s going to be a multi-tasker, like her Mommy.

Charlie is officially back in town; Mimi called from the hotel and put her on the phone. When she said “Bye-Bye” I about melted. She’s going to be staying downtown with all the grandparents for a couple nights…they have plans to take her to some museums and Build-A-Bear, and we thought it’d be easier for Charlie to be where all the action is. Vann is going to meet them every night after work. As for me, I’m resting and trying to stay positive. I love being a mom, and wouldn’t change a thing, but man, it is hard work. Healing from major surgery while attempting a major life change is not for the faint of heart. Please continue to pray for us as we adjust to being a family of four!!!

The Sweetest Pea

It’s been a week since Baby Ella came into this world. It’s safe to say that I have NEVER been this tired in.my.life. Ever. I think because we bottle-fed Charlie and I had help, I didn’t get the full range and scope of sleepless nights. Not to say I’m in this alone – quite the opposite, Vann has been an amazing partner, picking up the slack and blearily changing preemie-sized diapers in the dark so as not to disturb his daughter’s sweet slumbers…but we all know the primary job of feeding Ella falls on me. Breastfeeding is a lot more tedious than I ever expected. It’s also going a lot better than I expected. I’ve had the normal hurdles, and even today it felt like some of those things were getting better, or at least weren’t present for every moment of feeding. We are successfully through the first week! Your prayers are definitely felt!!

So, you might wonder, what does a mom of a newborn do with her days? It’s been quiet here without the running of toddler feet, and Vann and I both miss Charlie terribly. With no meals to prepare for someone else during the day, I find that I’m forgetting to eat. I’m in a constant rotation of nursing, tv, reading about nursing, and facebooking…today I actually put the laundry away and made a to-do list. That’s about the scope of my productiveness.
And then there’s Ella. Ms. Megan called her “The Sweetest Pea” and I think that about sums her up. She and her button nose have me truly smitten. She’s too little for standard newborn clothes, so Vann had to purchase a few things for her…and I admit, I’ve been scouring eBay as well. Her shock of dark hair is my favorite part about her, and yesterday, the two of us fell asleep in the glider and napped for a good hour or so. To say that the glider was a good investment would be a huge understatement!

Big Sister

Upon our arrival home last Friday, my sweet elder daughter (can’t believe I’m typing that) was definitely mesmerized by the presence of this new addition. She did a lot of pointing and exclaiming “baby!”, and when it was time for bed, she made it very clear that she wanted to say goodnight to her sister. She stood in the doorway of the office, yelled out, “night, night, baby!”, blew Ella a kiss, and closed the door. Be still my heart.

This picture was taken as Nana, JJ, and I were scarfing down the hearty meal JJ prepared for us. Doesn’t Vann look so TIRED?? Aw. Poor hubby. Charlie insisted on feeding herself with a bottle…I am so glad that I didn’t attempt to start potty training her prior to Ella’s birth. I don’t think I could handle a diaper regression!!

Ella Enchanted

Bella Baby Photography took these amazing pictures of Ella in the hospital. Ohmygoodness…our photog Gillian was so sweet and I don’t know how she got E to stop fussing and “pose”!! We ended up buying the CD of images so we’d “own” them and can print them out as often as we like. Definitely a step up from the old hospital’s photog! Have you ever seen anything so sweet??